I’m still trying to think of a Hollywood love story with a woman taller than her male love interest – there isn’t one. They don’t ask men to stand in ditches, though. I can’t possibly call that anything other than the most resounding success For me, I’m 51, and people will still hire me to do something that I love.
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It might be someone else’s idea of failure that I didn’t stay being a huge movie star. And I said to the person who asked me that, ‘Goodness!’ And then I said, ‘Do you ask men that?’ And without missing a beat he said, ‘Oh yes!’ So that was quite gratifying.” They also ask if you’ve ever been a prostitute. “Although they literally ask you to forswear the queen, and I can’t do that – I couldn’t possibly do that. Yet at 51 she has worked in Hollywood for so long that she recently decided she had had enough of “taxation without representation” and became an American citizen in a formal ceremony. “Come on, Douglas, off you go, bing bong bunk,” she says, dispatching the animal, all jolly hockey sticks. Her 12-year-old son, Henry, is having an online piano lesson, and their dog is being collected for a walk by a neighbour. It was, like, ‘Where’s the hag who usually opens the phone? Who’s this person?’ I often feel insulted by my own phone, but that was legendary.”ĭriver speaks eloquently, confident enough to pause as long as it takes for the right word to come, freely swearing and roaring with laughter otherwise. “And my f**king phone, the facial-recognition thing, wouldn’t recognise me. “I’m only dolled up like this because I just did the photoshoot,” she explains. She apologises for how nice she looks, the sort of apology that can only be made after a year in lockdown.
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We are talking over video chat, Driver from her family home in London, to which she has temporarily decamped after decades away in Los Angeles. All you have to do is not obey the rules for a minute and just get on with it, and it will change I’ve had plenty of costars who were shorter than me. That actor was extremely powerful, no matter his height or whether I was taller than him.
“I was thinking, Oh my God, this is just bananas – can’t he stand on something? Or why don’t we both sit down and shoot it like that?” But it had to be her, “in the earth, trying to be romantic and sexy when there’s mud squishing through your lace-ups”. This was on a different film, the first but not the last time it happened. “I was hock high in a bog, as they say in Ireland,” she says merrily, in an accent that instantly reminds me of that scene in Good Will Hunting where she tells a dirty joke and spits out her drink. A ditch, in fact, that had been dug for her, on a hill, so that she looked shorter than the actor she was snogging. That was the most beautiful, Earth-shatterin' thing ever.Minnie Driver first realised the film industry might be a strange place for a woman who didn’t fit its tiny mould when she was standing in some mud. And afterwards, Paddy's like, "Ah, geez, now THAT's what I've been missin'. I would like that." And Mary's like, "All right." She takes her teeth out, puts them in the glass and she gives him a blow job. Now, in fifty years, there's one thing that's been missing. What would you like?" And Paddy's like, "Aw, gee, Mary, that's a very sweet offer. Anything your little heart desires, I'm going to give it to ya'. And Mary looks over and gazes adoringly at Paddy, she's like, "Aw, Jesus, Paddy.